TAKEAWAY 1:

When you respond to your spouse you are being considerate and thoughtful, versus being insensitive and ungracious when reacting.

​

TAKEAWAY 2:

Think about what message you are sending in your response or reaction.

​

TAKEAWAY 3:

How to maintain a loving relationship:

1. Availability: "I have time and energy for you." This helps to prevent conflict in the first place.

2. Accommodate accomplishments: Both your dreams and aspirations can be accomplished when you accommodate each other's.

​

TAKEAWAY 4:

Preventing Conflict: 

1. We bond to the people who soothe us. Conflicts come from two people feeling like they need to be right, it's not about the relationship.

2. Turning toward: Every time someone makes a bid for attention, turn toward them, stop what you are doing, and talk to them. Give them the attention they need.

​

TAKEAWAY 5:

Teach your child that if they need your attention, a small tap on the knee when they need you, to avoid the “Mom mom mom mom” nagging, will get your attention. When they see that you turn toward your partner when your spouse needs your attention, they learn not to ignore you when you ask them to listen.

 

TAKEAWAY 6:

Protecting the relationship:

Its inevitable that there will be conflict, you want to deescalate the heated situation. Here are the 4 Steps to do so:

1. Remember your own imperfections

2. Reflect on your own faults 

3. Withholding judgments

4. Take a break - this is extremely necessary and life saving to any relationship. “Im really worked up right now, I’m feeling super defensive, I need to take a break”.

Males cannot calm down as quickly as females. If your husband is worked up:

1. Empathise - “I can see why you feel that way, I can see how you see it that way. Help me understand."

2. Accountablilty - Take accountability for your actions

3. Affection - A touch or hug

4. Humour - Can break the tension

​

TAKEAWAY 7:

Persevering (despite an unsolvable conflict):

The more you try and change and fix something that is more in line with your belief, the more you bump heads and the more friction builds.

(Studies show that couples who persevere despite unsolvable conflicts report happy marriages after 20 years).

Accept, compromise and just sticking it out if you want a long lasting partnership with your spouse.

​

TAKEAWAY 8:

Forgiving: It's not a feeling, its a choice!

This has to become an attitude. If you want a long-lasting relationship, forgiving needs to become part of your attitude every day. You are going to have to choose to forgive. It’s a process, you’re not condoning the actions of the other person, you’re not excusing the behavior, you’re not forgetting what the person has done, and you’re not pardoning. What you are doing is restoring the relationship.

“I know what you did. It's not ok. But I recognize that you are more than that, and I don’t want to hold us captive to this thing anymore. I can heal myself and I don’t need you to do anything to heal this part of me.”

You’re assigning your loved one value again, and deciding not to take vengeance.

Note: You’re not going to request forgiveness.