TAKEAWAY 1:

Scream-free Parenting is a mindset shift. It is not about giving more techniques for doing things, but rather a way of seeing things differently.

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TAKEAWAY 2:

We start by having to take a look at ourselves which can be quite uncomfortable.

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TAKEAWAY 3:

98% of all parents display a psychological damaging outburst toward each of their children before the age of 5! (We know that the other 2% are lying).

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TAKEAWAY 4:

When we scream/shout, we are reacting out of fear.

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TAKEAWAY 5:

It is not our job to manage our child's behavior. Our job is to teach them how to manage their own behaviour.

 

TAKEAWAY 6:

We can choose to respond. Pause. Breathe. Consider the choices and consequences. Only human beings can consciously do this!

 

TAKEAWAY 7:

It is not that you don't have responsibility in the situation. It's that you don't have responsibility FOR your children. I am responsible TO my children for the choices I make, not FOR my children for the choices they make.

 

TAKEAWAY 8:

Let your children make mistakes and learn from consequences of their choices.

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TAKEAWAY 9:

In order to have an influence on our children, we need to stop trying to control them.

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TAKEAWAY 10:

Giving your children the power to make you feel a certain way, makes you need them to behave. You can tell yourself: "I do not need my child to:

• make me look good,

• validate me, 

• obey me,

• validate my choices in life,

• or carry on the standard of the family."

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TAKEAWAY 11:

Empower your child to make these choices. It is liberating for you as their parent.

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TAKEAWAY 12:

What is a boundary? A boundary is the space in your life in which you have complete space physically, mentally, emotionally, decision making etc. As a child gets older you strategically expand that space that they explore.

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TAKEAWAY 13:

Being mad at our kids does not help them to focus on their behaviour.

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TAKEAWAY 14:

1. Keeping rooms clean:

It is their room, their space. Let them keep it how they want it. 

Consequences:

Nobody wants to be in a dirty room. The consequence of a dirty room is that your child won't have any visitors.

2. Laundry is piling up:

Consequence: no clean clothes.

 

Kids are not going to learn from us, they are going to learn from their own experiences. We can set limits, boundaries and guide them, but ultimately their lessons are their own.

Consequences are not designed to change a child’s behaviour. Whether a child learns from the consequence is on them. 

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TAKEAWAY 15:

Whys is tone so important? Your words and your actions need to align. If not, then it breaks trust with your child. This is why following through and consistency is important.

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